THE COLOUR OF MY HEART;MY DAUGHTER

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The woman in me is full of pride and energy.There are though,a few things I think about once in a while,my fears have mostly been other people’s desires.
So I ask me about the safety of my daughter,how sure am I that her father will not be the one to ruin her life.I know about how all men are not the same,but what sign is there to show me that he is actually different from them all,how will I know that he is not pretending, how do I tell that he is who he says he is.How can I tell that he can be trusted with his own daughter.

The cry of my baby in the night when she is only two weeks old,did she have a nightmare? is she afraid of the cold life,should I whisper to her,that I will always be there for her even when I am dead? is it her stomach?,is it the foreign air? baby are you scared of the dark? so I switch the light on and see her closed eyes dripping tears and mine follow in her footsteps, what’s wrong baby? am I not good enough to be your mother? do you wish to have been born of that other woman? Shhh baby shhh.
Baby girl,would you grow up and want to have my character? I have made several mistakes,I have followed the paths that led me astray,but I somehow found my way,will you,my little angel,be able to do that? Will you manage to smell trouble miles away and turn away in time? will you take care of yourself when I am gone? Will you learn your worth in time and not act cheap?

You will face the challenges I faced.The trail of men promising heaven,whispering to you, sweet words that you think about all night, things that made even me,your mother to re-read our conversations a thousand times,you would think I was revising for a final exam.You will find it hard to select one,the first few,if not all will break your heart,and you will swear just like your mama,not to love again,but trust time to make you fall in love again and again though eventually, you will grow tough,tolerant,then resistant to that kind of pain and it eventually will not matter if he stays or leaves.You will even doubt your taste for men,but just like your mama,I want you to learn that it’s him and not you.

My little joy,if he breaks your heart,don’t hide it from mama,I know nothing will ease your pain at that moment but I want to be the one handing you tissues,I want to be the one you punch and hug,I want to be the one to walk with you through the dark.Later on,I will take a break from work and take you to Mombasa, to release your tension and drown your pain in the Indian ocean.

I want to be your best friend,I will never snatch your boyfriend.

Baby I want you to know that life is as hard as it’s easy.You will worry and doubt if you will achieve your dreams,you will wonder if you will ever pay your bills but little Light of my heart,my flicker of hope,I was there and I made it,so do not worry too long,ignite your desire for success and I will support you through it all.Count on me.

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Never lose hope,never give up,I fought my battles, most of them,alone,but I am

here,to fight all your battles with you,to assure you that you will make it through.Count on me.

Outline your principles so clear that even a blind can see.Do not allow anyone to step on them, do not stoop too low,not even for me,your mama.Do not allow the world to misuse you,hold your head up,walk tall and never look back when chasing your dreams.
Be good,be nice,do not swallow your pride,it will chock you,just regulate it.
Face the world baby,it’s all yours.

Smile at all times,be strong and aggressive, you want it? go get it!!
Mummy will always love you,in your failures and success,in your weakness and strenght,in your fears and desires.

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