I want to know how being human feels

I love my incapability to cry but the ability to burn inside and flame on the outside,how I let my eyes redden without having to shed a tear and clench my fists without necessarily punching anything, I am learning.

I admire how I can’t argue with him when he breaks the deadliest of news but fight with myself for the mistakes only I, know made.I am composed

I love how I can afford a smile between bitter tears,then I know how strong I am.I start conversations and hang out when I should be sulking and pitying my situation,maybe I should be hanging out.

I love how I go silent in the middle of a talk and patiently repeat that I’m fine each time they continuously ask how I am.

I sigh at how I dream big and not know how to fulfill it but somehow know that I will actualize everything I ever visualized. 

I wonder how I manage to lift myself up when I fall into the dark pits of pain and sorrow,with my ego and pride not letting me seek help, with my soul not allowing me to portray pain.

I don’t know how I smile when what I really want to do is scream my heart out, jump out of a storey building’s window and fill my lungs with air so that they know what  it feels like not to feel again.

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2 thoughts on “I want to know how being human feels

  1. I have no idea why this peace has left me hanging. I want more. it has a feeling of inherent strength within me, trying to keep me afloat in the middle of the ocean in which many drown in.

    It speaks to the heart, that’s what it makes me feel.

    Like

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