Sometimes in life, you feel broken,dejected, lonely, sad,overwhelmed and a little more worthless than you’ve ever been before.It is in such moments that strong people remember who they are and weak people succumb.
On one such day,I made my pen speak to my book.
Growing up is hard,it is actually bad.I have no words but I certainly want to talk to this paper today,confess the deepest of my pains and fears, all the wrongs and mistakes I didn’t know I made,like walking the wrong road and not being able to turn back.
I asked God to keep me alive and I told him,I want to live for mum,dad and my dear siblings. They are the only things that make sense,they are the only things that have value and they are the only ones that have valued me through every step of the way,in my failures,tears,weaknesses and they even walk with me through the darkness.
Then I told God to show me the way,last night,I said to Him “God,I want to sleep under your mercies tonight, I want to be covered in your strength, this night,I wanna be aware of your presence and I want you to be there,I want to feel your peace descend upon my soul, I want my worries taken away and I want you to whisper to me,that I should trust in you”
I had a sleep,peaceful than ever and when I woke up in the morning, I said ” Alhamdullilahi ladhi ahyana baada maamamtana wa ileyhi nushuur” and then I whispered another prayer ” God,today,I want to know that you were watching me all night,I want to know that you will fulfill your promises,to stand by me in times of doubts,to open the door when I knock,to hold my hand when I stumble and to lift me when I fall,to wipe my tears when I cry,to give me joy when I am sad” and i felt a surge of peace and I saw a flicker of hope.
Now I am asking you God,to tell me that I am wrong but you will correct me,to tell me that I have fallen short of your glory but you will lift me,that I have sinned but you will forgive me,that you have always remembered me even when I forgot about you, that you will carry me when my legs are too weak to walk,that you will always show me the beauty of my dreams even when I shut my eyes to them,that you will always keep me happy,that you will give me strength to be a conqueror and above all,
I am asking you to give me the heart,to say sorry when wrong,to forgive when wronged,to show gratitude, to put a smile on the faces of the unfortunate, to be empathetic to others misfortune and to extend a hand to help,to be a spreader of all that is good .
A heart that will always remember to put You above my fears and happiness, treasures and valuables, for you are the ultimate treasure of every heart that knows you,I want my heart to know You,to believe in You and to count on You first before anyone else,
You,the epitome of love and all that is beautiful.
AMEN AMEN AMEN