I don’t have the courage to gulp down rat poison or tie a  rope knot around my neck and tighten it,or even attempt an unsafe landing from the balcony but if the devil visited me today and filled me with the courage,I would write a suicide note first before I willingly kick the bucket.
Dad:You are all that ever inspired me.I loved you so much and was too afraid of disappointing you that I forgot how to live without you at the back of my mind.All the wrongs I did behind your back never let me have a moment of peace and each passing day,I resented my life. You were a pillar to lean on but today,please let me collapse.
MUM:I know no one is going to feel as much pain as you will and I am sorry that I have to be the one to put you through this. I love you mum and every time I came home,I felt like staying a little longer.I so bad wanted to make it so that I could buy you gold rings and chains and exotic perfumes but here I am,taking the short way out.Forgive me mama,for making you go through labor and now this.Pray for me and ask the Lord to let me meet you on the last day

BRO:you the only brother we got and being the second born,please take up my position and be a big brother habi and angel will look up to.I know you did not meet everyone’s expectations most of the times and I am sorry we expected so much of you that we forgot how different we all are.Go to school brother and take care of yourself, most importantly, take care of our two sisters.I love you.
Habi: I always loved you more than anyone else in the family, it made me feel guilty. You are a charming bird that always carried away my many sorrows and each time you lied on my lap to watch spongebob,I ended up watching you laugh.I love you and I  am sorry you will cry half your life because of my stupid action. I know how proud you were of me and I am so so sorry to let you down,I know how hard it will be explaining to your friends how your super sister suddenly lost it but baby I am afraid of failure and more afraid of disappointing you than myself. I love you and will always do.
Angel:I know we haven’t had quality time together but I will always remember your first day on earth and me being the second person to hold you after dad.I am sorry I left before fulfilling my promises,I definitely am a coward and not fit to be your eldest sister.Despite it all,I love you and I want you to know that you are beautiful and intelligent and even without me,you have the strength to make it through.
Grandma, grandad, thank you for stepping in and bringing me up when mummy went to school when I was only four months old.I wanted to grow up,get a job and bring you to Nairobi, take you to Mombasa to reunite you with your brother,grandpa but I failed before I tried and I am sorry I didn’t pay you back,not that you expected it but everybody else did. I am sorry that you  not living a comfortable life,I am sorry that you did not enjoy digital life,I am sorry that your efforts were wasted and I am sorry to be the one to devastate you like this.It breaks my heart that I have to break your heart despite your old age. I love you
aunties, uncles and cousins, it was always amazing to come back home and meet up,talk,cook eat and complain,it was always sweet to reunite and chat about everything but I have to let go and I am sorry to give up this fast but I’m tired and you’ll understand, forgive me and keep the love and unity.I will be happy.I love you all.
Dennis:I didn’t even know how important you are in my life until the thought of not ever seeing you again hit my mind.Thank you for your endless care and love as I lay down to rest,I want you to know that you were valued and treasured and every second spent with you made it to the book of my life.You brought another joy along,Juliet, it’s only my hope that you two stay forever.
Chanasa and family, in your home,I found comfort and love. Turu,Chala,you little women made me want to come back everyday.Aminaa,you are the one person we all missed even when you went to the washroom, our long talks in the night about our fears and dreams,you will make it sweety,I choose to quit. Mum,your love,understanding and genuine concern always swept me off my feet,I felt more closer to you than I ever felt to dad,and it was okay. Dad,baba diqa,it has been a long journey and now you have it all,above all ,a beautiful family that loves you.Take care of them.I love you all
Silvia:my shadow,or was it me your shadow,I am sorry you will have to cover k.u grounds without me,I am sorry you will come back home and sleep alone, I am sorry that we’ll not meet strangers together, please be careful and take care of yourself. I know I never looked like a concerned friend and now that I’m not gonna see you again, I wanna stay a little longer to say I love you so much.Make wise decisions and decide to settle,Prince is a good guy.
LILIAN: Niaje makwapa,poa  sana matako,look,it’s been a lifetime since you and I set to explore friendship, we didn’t even know it was going to be this beautiful.I am sorry to taint this,I am sorry to make you sad,move on swift and don’t ever be sad when you remember me.we’ve had better days. I love you
Michael, the love of my life.It has been an amazing journey of love,fight,tears,trust,and more love. You know how you always asked what you would ever do without me,what your life would be like,well,here we are.You better figure out pretty fast,what you’re
gonn’ do.Candy,I know I promised to stay forever, I know I promised to always be there and I ask you to forgive me for breaking the promise. I don’t want to imagine how hard this is going to be for you.The long night phone calls,the poetic messages, telepathic thoughts,we connected and I am sorry to disconnect this.I am sorry that the last conversation we had was a disagreement, I am sorry I went silent on you and I am sorry for the many times that I let my pride stand in the way of our love. you have always been a gentleman,prioritizing me over almost everything,apologizing even when it was clearly my fault and I have never felt  what you  made me feel and I know I’ll never feel it again.Do not cry too long,I won’t ask you to move on,it’s not gonna be easy but I will ask you to be happy and I will be happy,apologize to Junior and stacy for me,tell them mummy chickened out but she loved them.I am sorry I didn’t announce you to the world,it’s not that I wasn’t proud of you,it’s just that people thought I was stronger than love. Work hard and be that great lawyer that you always wanted to be,establish your firm and also hotel Mikel Internationale, I’ll come check on it.You had no dreams,you only had goals and knowing you for you,I know you’ll live it. Always remember me but don’t be sad about it.
Friends and classmates, it was nice knowing you. The memories we made were great and exciting, whatever the situation was,we made the best out of it and life was always good.  I know you’ll be shocked and you’ll say nice things about me but don’t exaggerate,some of you never liked me,some thought I was too proud but to be honest,you never knew me,you only judged me and for that I forgive you. Carefully enjoy life and do not over think, take one step at a time and I promise you,all will be well.
Goodbye and remember me once in a while.

Dear God,as I commit this sin,I ask your mercy to overpower your anger towards my action, I ask you to forgive my sinful soul that has led me to sinning as the last action of my life.Give strength to those who will be weakened by my death,and console them Lord, now I commit my sould unto your able hands.

Dear Lord, do not let me die before I have made it to 100.


3 thoughts on “MY SUICIDE NOTE

  1. Anonymous

    haha. makwapa ukona ujinga… haha
    unajua this is how people start posting about deaths and then the next thing unaskia mtu amekufa. please usikufe
    this was so emotional


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