I wanted to betray traditions and chains of norms that tied everyone I knew,I wanted to fall in love and get my heart broken.
I did not want to slave for a man and have nothing to call my own.I wanted to surpass what they taught me and learn much more from a world that was full of lessons.I did not want to live for them,I wanted to take control of my decisions and actions.
I wanted to be free,wild,an outcast.I wanted to be alive and living in the beauty of goodness and the sorrows of evil,I had a desire to feel my world take shape as I waited to call it my home.
I wanted to put on shorts,trousers,dresses and buibuis.
I wanted to weave my hair,braid it,dye it and even shave it if it sounded right to my ears.
They called me cursed but secretly longed for my courage.
I did not want to believe that God would love me if I did one thing and hate me if I did the other,I did not want to believe God’s purpose for my creation was to live in fear of the end times.
I knew He had given me the power to choose and whatever I lived by would not make Him hate me,I still believe this and live by it,so I forgave myself for all the times I thought myself unworthy in the eyes of those who looked righteous and more painfully in the eyes of the God who made me.
I put on my wings and took a flight.I realized just how beautiful and simple the world is.I discovered a million worlds in the lives that touched mine,I saw hearts bigger than the entire universe and held conversations that were sweeter than the foods women were forced to cook for their men.
I felt the bitterest of heartbreaks and the sweetest of love.I sang forbidden songs and danced to the beat of the world,I freed myself from ties that were only as big as I thought they were and as inexistent as I made them be.
So do not ask me why I am not like them because I just want to be me.I want to look at myself and feel that I have done all that I needed and wanted to do for myself.
I want to wake up in the morning and not feel like I should not have seen this day when I have the power to make my life exciting.
I am not willing to be imprisoned with chains that do not even exist.
I want to be a woman and I do not want to hear any comment that will say I did it like a man.
I want my voice heard.In a village where women are only required to take orders, I want to give orders and supervise,I want to have a say,I want to matter because I was not created for a reason as bogus as to be a man’s keeper.
I want to say No when I should and not be afraid that they won’t like it.I don’t want to ask if they like me but if I will like them.
I just want to live and be alive,I want my presence felt and I want to feel the presence of others.
I simply want to have a life,a free,happy,sad life,as long as it is my life.
I want to be free.